Let me start out by saying that nowhere in the Bible does it say that you can’t kiss before you are married. However, I want to explain to you why Tommy and I decided that kissing while we were dating and engaged was not good for us. You might be wondering, what’s the point of no kissing? Here are the 5 reasons we saved kissing and sex for marriage.
If you haven’t heard our love story yet, read it here first.
5 Reasons We Saved Kissing and Sex for Marriage:
We didn’t want to tempt each other
We wanted our relationship to grow spiritually
We wanted God to be glorified through our relationship
We had crossed lines in the past and wanted this relationship to be different
We didn’t want to be blinded by lust in our relationship
Tommy started our relationship saying that he wouldn’t kiss me until I was his girlfriend, and he wouldn’t ask me to be his girlfriend until he was sure that he was going to marry me. I thought it was a sweet and respectful sentiment, but at the time I just really wanted to kiss him!
Tommy and I had both been in previous relationships where we gave all of ourselves to people who weren’t right for us. There is a reason why God says to not “awaken love until its’ time” (Song of Solomon 3:8). We both struggled with physical boundaries. We knew that about each other, so we had a choice to make.
Were we going to go down that road of struggle and failure again or were we going to hold this relationship to a higher standard?
We did not see any point in dating if our relationship was going to bring us both farther from the life that God had for us. We knew that sexual immorality, which is any sort of lust outside of marriage, would only cause us to push God away. Tommy and I had already tried living life that way and we knew that it would not fulfill us. We wanted to pursue our relationship with God at the center and to glorify Him through our relationship.
When it came down to where to draw the line, I really did NOT want to give up kissing. However, the decision was pretty simple and straightforward for us. It was either keep kissing and tempting our flesh or give up kissing and save our relationship with each other and God.
Kissing Isn’t Bad, So Why Should I Have To Give It Up?
Kissing itself is not bad. Who doesn’t love kissing? The problem with kissing is that it is like the “gateway drug” to all things sex. Kissing leads to making out. Making out leads to clothes coming off. Clothes coming off leads to…. You get the idea. It’s not long before you have crossed a line that you didn’t want to cross.
You might say, “I can kiss for hours and not be tempted to cross the line.” Well, if that’s you, then another reason that you have to consider is the person you are dating. You might be fine, but they might be struggling. The Bible tells us, “do not become a stumbling block to the weak.” (1 Corinthians 8:9) If you are constantly pushing the line, it can be really tormenting to the person you are dating if their resolve is not as strong as yours.
How Did Not Kissing Help Your Relationship?
I’ll be honest with you guys. Tommy and I got into a HUGE fight the night before our wedding. We settled things enough to get through our rehearsal dinner peacefully, but the fight continued after dinner. By the time we made it back to my parents house, I was ready to call off the wedding! Crazy, right?
My parents were going between the two of us trying to understand what on earth had happened. They did not want to push us into making a mistake by either going through with it or calling it off. It was a fine line they had to walk. Ultimately, what got through to me was something that my dad asked me. He said, “If you don’t marry Tommy tomorrow, can you envision yourself ever marrying anyone else?” At that moment I broke down. I knew Tommy was the one for me. He had proven his selfless love for me over and over again by abstaining from crossing any physical boundaries. I knew he loved God and he loved me. There were absolutely NO red flags with him.
Honestly, if Tommy and I had been crossing lines during our dating life, our marriage likely would not have happened. We had so much hurt and insecurity to overcome from previous relationships that we needed a clean slate. We wanted to prove to each other that this relationship was special and different, and we didn’t want to screw up God’s perfect plan for us. So that is how not kissing really helped our relationship. It allowed us the time and space to heal from previous mistakes, and it helped us grow together as a couple. It took a lot of strength to refrain from kissing and it only made us stronger as a couple.
Should I Try Not Kissing While Dating?
I will say that I have absolutely ZERO regrets about not kissing Tommy before our wedding day. It was the best thing that we ever did. It was extremely difficult, but it was SO worth it. When our wedding day came, we knew that we ran the race the best we could. We had no misgivings about the way we went about our relationship and into our marriage. If you want to try it, I say go for it! Pray about it and talk about it with your significant other. Don’t let them talk you out of it if you are convicted by the Holy Spirit. It’s normal for them to push back and not want to do it (that was me!), but Tommy and I both prayed and God made it obvious to us that He wanted us to not kiss.
I am so grateful that God has given me this platform to share mine and Tommy’s story and the reasons we saved kissing and sex for marriage I hope and pray that God speaks to you through it and that He uses our story to inspire you and to strengthen your resolve to save sex for marriage. If you have any questions please comment below or send me a message through our contact page!